Randi and Carmen   08/13/2012

Randi glance over at Carmen and smiles, as she lies sleeping in the therapy chair they had bought in for her. Popcorn sprinkling her chest like malformed polka dots her head tilted back mouth agape snoring softy her pony tail had flipped over her face giving her a “cousin It” look.

Randi: Girl you’re a hot mess! (She smothers a giggle as she reaches for the remote control flipping the video on then immediately turning down the sound. She giggles again as the images float by remembering all the moments surrounding the images. Jake and Amanda! She missed Amanda coming over with Trevor in the afternoons for naps and chat more chat then naps. Tad and Taylor with the girls! They looked so happy! That was another wedding she’d missed because of this stupid cancer! She secretly wished she had been at Francessca’s that was a totally “Dynasty” moment! There were Jesse and Angie from “The Almost Thanksgiving” they had all spent together when she announced to everyone she was carrying twins and how happy and excited Frankie was. And Frankie and the kids from last year’s Easter. They had gotten so big since she’s been in here. She noticed the small changes in Frankie’s face between then and now. There were small worry lines across his forehead and his smile didn’t quiet meet his eyes there was no doubt that her illness and Cassandra were weighing heavily on him. Thinking about the later she was a little surprised Francessca had even included images with Cassandra in them although she could tell they were all old that and the fact her video greeting card had been missing. She could just chalk it up to the two of them fighting but, if she had included her picture she would have had a video greeting too. No Cassandra was still in the wind. The look on Angie’s face earlier when she’d stop by said one hundred times more than her words. Her face was etched with worry her eyes were missing that sparkle they always had no matter what was happening. They only thing that seemed to bring it back was when she was with or talking about her Grandchildren. All of it was just wearing away at her. It was getting harder and harder to hide it.

 What she really needed to do was get out of the hospital bed and go find her! She wanted to talk to Cassandra. She’d been where she was right now out of anyone she could understand what Cass was going through maybe if they could just talk she could get through to her and make her see how many people loved and cared for her. When she stopped to think about it they were a lot a like but in a good many ways Cassandra was luckier than she’d been adopted and raised by two wonderful parents, a brother who adored her she’d wanted for nothing. She’d had everything Randi had always wished for all her life but she obviously wanted for something now. What had driven her so far away form the people that loved her? She knew that for her self it was a matter of self worth, a form of punishment and survival for girls like Cassandra it was similar but survival wasn’t as big a part of it. For them it was more about control and power. Maybe she could break through that wall of anger and hurt that she’d built around her. She was real familiar with building walls she’d laid a whole lot of bricks herself and she wanted to get to her before she laid the last one and she wasn’t going to do it from this hospital bed. She needed to get better she had to get better.

Carmen: You okay? (She shakes her ponytail back then begins picking the errand pieces of popcorn of her chest and throwing them in the trash)

Randi: I’m fine. What about you? (She smiles reaching her hand out and holding Carmen’s in hers and gives it a squeeze)

Carmen: I’m okay this is surprisingly comfortable. (She stands and stretches then looks down at Randi) You look worried.

Randi: I was just thinking about Cassandra. (She sighs)

Carmen: Don’t worry about Cassandra (She waves her hand dismissively as she dust more popcorn from the chair) she’s a big girl and from all I’ve seen she can handle herself she’ll be fine. (She shakes out the sheet she’d been laying on then places in back on the chair)

Randi: That’s what I know in my head but my heart says she needs help.

Carmen: But it’s not like her mother and brother haven’t tried she doesn’t want it. You can’t help someone who won’t help herself. (She says throwing her hands in the air as she sits down on the side of bed)

Randi: She just so lost and I know how she feels I’ve been there and when I needed help Frankie, Jesse, Angie you were all there to help me and when I finally get out of here I’m going to help her. (She states firmly crossing her arm over her chest)

Carmen: And I will help you help her. (She smiles)

Randi: That’s nice of you but you barley know her.

Carmen: Because you’re right as much as I don’t like to admit it, and you know I don’t, (Her mouth twisted in distaste) Erica helped me a lot when I first got out so I guess I should pay it forward.

Randi: You already are look at everything you’ve done for Griff and for me.

Carmen: And I enjoy every minute of it and now I’m going to help you help your sister from another Mister! (They both laugh) So what do you want me to do?

Randi: For now just keep try to keep Angie and Frankie’s spirits up and keep me up to date on what’s happening with Cass.

Carmen: You got it! Now are you hungry? (She rises walking to the picnic basket and opening the lid) Do you need me to get you anything?

Randi: I’m fine besides I can’t eat or drink anything else tonight.

Carmen: Are you sure? (She says holding up a slice of cheesecake)

Randi: Positive.

Carmen: You’re okay right? (Her brow creased with worry as she sits back down on the bed)

Randi: I’m going to be fine you just wait and see. I’ve got my faith, you, the love of a good man, my family and friends that’s all I need to beat this thing. And, I will beat this and get back to my life and my family.

Carmen: I know you will mammie (She says hugging her close tears stinging the back of her eyes) nothing in this life is ever going to beat us down again and together we will kick your cancers butt! You hear me.

Randi: Loud and clear! (They both tears slipping down their checks) I love you so much I couldn’t ask for a better sister.

Carmen: I love you too hermana mia! (She kisses her cheek and hugs close)